A PEEK INSIDE

Oh, how we danced! It was no longer girl following boy in ballroom style; it was wild and free and the best part was one could dance alone. It was something I could actually do in my own way at my own pace and having watched dance evolve on television, I knew how to go wild.



I held my breath from the gorgeousness of the earth I was moving over and my slow movement into the unknown. It all felt electric. Then I saw the first signs of civilization—a few trailers and a few cars parked up on a hill—and I exhaled.



Most everyone was searching for balance during these extraordinary times. The Civil Rights Movement, then the Women’s Movement, the unbearable assassinations that seemed to happen one after the other (John Kennedy, Malcolm X, Martin Luther King and Bobby Kennedy), the war, the damn war, the drugs and the constant booming soundtrack that played behind it all, a cacophony of influences making profound statements and searching for profound answers, all of it expressing everything the counterculture was feeling. A new morality was emerging that was creating wide and deep polarities.

"The heart has it's reasons
of which reason knows nothing."

Blaise Pascal



All of a sudden, something miraculous happened: I was shot from my bed through space as if from a cannon at great speed, cleaving starry skies, galaxies, blackness and light—brilliant, brilliant light—then pitch dark again. And there I suddenly was, perfectly still and in the presence of my father. I couldn’t see or hear him, smell or touch him, but I sure felt his presence. We were in proximity, facing each other, just hanging there. I was flabbergasted that none of my senses were working and still I knew him, the essence of him, the one who had given me bear hugs as a little girl and the one who had terrorized me on Sunday mornings as I sat stuffing myself with bagels and two kinds of cheese. He was there as love. Nothing frightening, just love. Everything was beautiful and still and there were all these lights around us. I don’t know if they were stars or what.

Then, as quickly as a door slamming shut, I was back on the bed, back in my body, eyes wide open in disbelief and longing to return.